I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
