i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
