just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
