Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
