life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
