My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
50% drunk capacity currently
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
