i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
