He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
