it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
