I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
