Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
