i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
