Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
