You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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