My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
