Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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