btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
