ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
