I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
you never un-have a 4some
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