Christians are straight up FREAKS
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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