got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I want her autograph on my taint
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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