Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
