did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
