Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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