I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
