so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's never too late to be topless.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
