So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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