I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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