all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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