I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
foreskin is a definite game changer
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
