I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just want to make out with him forever
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
