we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
