some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
