Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
