Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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