got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
