he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
