it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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