Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
