Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Houston, we have a blender
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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