He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
