too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
