Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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