Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
