and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
