You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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