Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
