I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
