you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
