im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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