I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
