Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
