is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
