kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
