sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We need to get me chipped asap
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
