Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
