"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
